Relationship Counselling

Relationship Counselling can help you …

As a qualified Relationship Counsellor, I have worked with many couples and helped them work through difficult periods in their relationship journey. Relationship counselling can be an enormously positive, helpful and healing process.

Couples counselling enables you both to listen and understand one another without becoming defensive and accusatory, in other words to listen to one another without fear.

What is relationship counselling?

Relationship counselling helps you understand/improve/heal your relationships with yourself and or others. Whether it is your relationship with your partner, your child, friends or work, counselling offers the opportunity to learn how to be happy, confident and self-assured in your relationships.

Couples therapy vs individual therapy

When working with couples I often suggest one or two individual (one to one) sessions, particularly when there are important issues from the past which are not of this relationship, but affect it. Individual therapy concentrates on you as an individual, your self-perception, desires and goals in life.

Marriage counselling

Marriage counselling focuses on your needs as a couple, but also your individual needs, exploring the differences, the similarities, hopes and dreams, recognising the importance of compromise. Remembering what attracted you to one another in those early days, and why that has been forgotten or ignored. Sometimes marriage counselling can be helping you and your partner split amicably if that is your wish.

Types of couples therapy

• Emotion focused
• Solution focused
• Transactional Analysis

Relationship therapy exercises

One important bit of advice to practice is instead of saying “You make me feel”, say “I feel, how do you feel?” Put your hand to your chest when asking this, do not point a finger. We tend to decide in our own minds what our partner thinks or feels, instead of asking “How do you feel?”. Listen carefully to any answers, think about what has been said, consider how you would like to respond in a positive way.

Frequently asked couples therapy questions

Q. When to seek relationship counselling?

A. As soon as you feel you are unhappy / not communicating / understanding one another. If one of you is having an affair / being irresponsible or risk taking / wanting to separate or divorce.

Q. Does relationship counselling work?

A. Yes. Honesty and understanding are key elements to bring to counselling sessions.

Q. Are couples therapy sessions the same as marriage counselling?

A. Couples therapy is the same as marriage counselling, it’s all about communicating.

Q. Can you get relationship counselling on the NHS?

Family therapy is available on the NHS in some areas. Couple / marriage counselling is not.

Q. What to expect from relationship therapy?

A. Counselling offers a safe environment for you to explore communication/emotions/perceptions. It teaches you to really listen to one another without assumption, but to learn to understand how the other person is feeling. We tend to make assumptions about how the other person is feeling or what they are thinking.

Q. How do we make the most of couples counselling?

A. When embarking on couple counselling do so in complete honesty, allowing the process to be fair and equal. Do not expect the counsellor to take sides. It is about understanding, being generous in connecting with each other’s viewpoint and being able to reach agreement/compromise moving forward.

Counselling for couples

What to Expect

Sessions are confidential, aiming to help you feel safe, heard, understood and valued.
You will both be asked what you would like to achieve from your couples counselling sessions.
Often relationships break down due to poor communication, so the way you communicate with one another will be explored. Good communication is the key to any relationship, being able to understand and listen to one another, to discuss concerns as they arise, rather than stay silent and build resentment. Some couples are looking for a way to separate without animosity, this too can be explored.

The initial session will endeavour to help you explore what you want to achieve.

• You will be both have an equal opportunity to express the concerns that have
  brought you to seek counselling.
• The safe space provided in counselling encourages and enables couples to
  speak out about their concerns, and to listen to one another, without feeling
  threatened and/or becoming defensive.

A good relationship is built on mutuality and compromise, or put simply, sharing. Sharing love, hopes, dreams as well as sharing difficult times.

Learning Together

As sessions progress you will be learning to understand, acknowledge and manage your expectations and emotions. To recognize and understand one another’s boundaries.
You will both have the opportunity to explore your feelings around intimacy, how to rekindle, or improve any issues around lovemaking.
Learning about yourself and your partner can be exciting and liberating. It will enable you both to move into the life you choose, rather than feel forced into.
If love was there in the beginning it can certainly be there now. Your sessions enable you to clearly understand yourself and your partner, to move into a happier life together., if that is the wish of you both.
Usually people feel a real sense of relief after their first session as they have been able to put into words, in a safe environment, what they are experiencing.

How many sessions each couple needs varies, but this will be discussed during your therapy.

How to find a couples therapist

Check out some counselling sites online, ideally contact those you feel would be right for you and arrange a ‘phone call to discuss why you are seeking counselling. Speaking to the counsellor prior to making an appointment helps give you a good idea as to whether you’ll feel comfortable with that counsellor.